Damn...it's been a while and as I type I can't even believe I'm back at it. I'm so blessed to have people in my corner who knows what my writing means to me. I'm even more blessed to have the inspiration to write. My inspiration runs deep. And that's what this post is dedicated to...all that inspires me to share my words with you.
Seven years ago, I became a mother. I had no idea what that meant. Sara was born and nature kicked in. Sacrifices kicked in. LOVE...it kicked in. Never was I so afraid and courageous, both at the same time! And so three years ago, I felt that again...and again...and again. My crazy ass go and have 3 kids in 3 years. How Drake say it? Back to back...I had three boys...so God must be playing some kinda game or something because these dudes are beasts in the making! Hunter, Cameron and Noah. Married their dad. Tried to do it the right way. Just how I saw my parents do the shit. And I crashed. Going full speed. Lost it all. My husband, my home, my brand new mini van...all that.
But guess what? God gave me all that back times ten. Why? Because I'm kept. And I'm loving the crew. My kids are the most irritating, neediest, costly beings I've ever encountered. They sweat me from the moment I wake up, during the middle of the night and up until I put all 4 of them to bed. But I couldn't be here without my crew. I wouldn't have the motivation. I wouldn't be as wise. And those child support checks gonna be pretty decent, too! And now that I've let go of the silly embarrassment and shame, I can laugh about it. Hell, it is what it is. Because at the end of the day, I got my kids-the most important part of my world.
With motherhood, everybody on the outside sees what you do for your children. The clothes. The food. The condo. The minivan. The bills. The hair. The doc and dentist appointments. All that comes with providing for yours. But nobody really considers what my crew does for me. Those little faces keep me going. From the first hint of morning breath at 7am requesting breakfast to the late night bedtime stories...my 4 kids create my momentum. They are my momentum. They've brought me the joy that I've spent years seeking in their daddies. They've created a woman out of a scared little girl who had no idea what womanhood was. Everything I do is because I'm lovin the crew. My crew.
I get tired as hell. I never slow down. Even in my sleep I'm thinking of ways to make more money to provide. I'm thinking of things I can do to make my babies smile. I'm thinking of how life is going to be years from now when they don't need me as much. I watch them interact with each other and it's pure amazement. I just stare at them and wonder why on earth God chose me to be their mother...I mean, not to question God, but it blows my mind that he gave me four lives to love and protect. It's pretty surreal. And I remember watching my OG manage six kids. I remember how she made it all look so effortless. We always had what we needed. We always felt happy. We always ate. The amount of pain I've felt to just keep them happy is crazy. The struggles I've endured to keep food in the refrigerator and gas in the minivan has been real. Let me tell yall, the struggle is beyond real. And I'm humbled and grateful for what they've helped me achieve. They have no idea the amount of strength they've given me. I think to myself that if they had a clue of what they've brought to my life, that means they understand what it is to love...and that is my ultimate goal...
Thank you God for Sara. For Hunter. For Cameron. For Noah. I had no idea who VERONICA was, until they came around. To be a mother of four under the age of 30 makes me feel like a walking stereotype. And I slip on my three inch heels everyday and I walk proudly in that shit. Hell, judge me. Whisper about me. Laugh at me. Talk about me. But make sure when you talking, you end the convo saying "BUT HER AND HER KIDS, THEY GOOD THOUGH. Is there a humble way of saying that I am the shit? Because of my crew...I am a BEAST. I'm loving my crew so much. I'm growing as they grow. And for that alone, I'm forever grateful. I wanna leave them everything I have to offer when I leave this earth. That's what I work toward on a daily basis. This blog isn't even a portion of what I want to leave behind. But...it's a good start...
Love,
Vee
