Thin line Between LOVE and HATE (Part 2)

Baby Momma:

This relationship has been the most defining one of my life. I don’t know how men have multiple baby mommas. And I feel for the baby mommas that have multiple baby daddies with deadbeats, but your—our situation is unique.

I never took life from you. I gave it to you. We decided to bring forth a child into this world. You consented to an act that had consequences. You were the one that decided to have a baby out of wedlock. The circumstances before the baby were not perfect, but there was never an ounce of me that would not have done anything to make you happy. But there were also some truths that life did not reveal to me until later.

The truth of the matter is that our conflicts rarely have anything to do with the child. It has more to do with our residual feelings from our relationship, one that was on-track for marriage.  Maybe one or both of wish “what if.”  What if we had not thrown three years all away for a 30-minute argument? What if your mother was not so willing to accept you back when you wanted to leave our family? What if I was armed with the emotional maturity I have now; A lot of “what ifs;” Questions that we do not have answers to right now.

We have a child that’s all that matters. We have to come to some kind of civil arrangement.
I need you to understand that you do not have any control over my son’s relationship with me. You have to start understanding your limitations as a mother. You are only one part of him and cannot complete his identity. You can try to define it all you want, but you are a mother. And no matter how hard you try you can never be the mother and father. You are just a mother that has to fill the role of a father. But you know nothing about how to equip him with the knowledge of being a man and a black man. You know nothing of the kinship between a father and a son. You are a mother. Know that; accept it; internalize that there are some things that you will never be able to teach him.

And as far as me paying child support, I am doing the best that I can. I’m working and I am in school with the hope that one day I can provide a better life for him. These are tough economic times. Sometimes I have to work overtime or study. I sacrifice a lot of my personal time to see him, but for you that is never enough. But it brings me back to my initial point of you also making that decision to be a single mother.

I feel bad for other women who don’t have a fraction of the devotion that I put towards you. It sucks. I know. Other women don’t get child support. Other men have multiple children by other women and you just have to take a number and wait. I am able to only attend to your concerns.

I just wish I had the emotional maturity to deal with our spats back then. I wish I could have really known what it was that you and I were committing to. To me, this bond will forever be.  Wives and husbands can go, but that title baby momma sets fear in potential partners.

You yield a power so deep. There are emotional ties that I was just made aware of after a conversation with my sister, complicated things that you assume men should know, but don’t.
It is and was always about communication. We never talked about the impact of the baby on both our lives and what role society plays in socializing us into these different characterizations and behaviors.

I think we both know what we want for our child, but have different views or expectations of how we see parenthood. And that is okay.

I hope we can mutually agree to become better friends because, let’s face it; we are stuck with each other.

Love,
Baby Daddy